THE BACHELORETTE Bloopers Reel Parody
THE BACHELORETTE Bloopers Reel Parody
I am sharing this gorgeous account of friendship (link directly above). It was written BY someone who I am lucky to know because of how beautiful, unique and inspiring she is both inside and out and it was written ABOUT one of the most important people in my life; my most loyal and dear friend. I loved reading this and I hope it will inspire a smile from anyone who has a best friend.
Also, I feel that this recipe should be shared and repeated. A popsicle with Bourbon?!? stop it. delicious.
In addition, I am not a dancer nor do I have any business being anywhere in or around a dance setting …however, most of the best friends that I have in my life are all dancers (I do not know how that happened). If you are a dancer or you have dance friends then these words will make you smile:
“Surely we would split the batch, perform some killer jazz walks and probably start writing poems about sunflowers, while in our hoodies and underwear. Maybe that sounds weird.”
Dedicated to: the husky, slightly more than middle-aged man in the Hawaiian shirt and the hemp flip flops.
This morning, while waiting for my delicious iced nonfat dirty chai at the Coffee Bean on Sunset and Fairfax, a “gentleman” waiting in the same general area as I walked right into in the midst of very important call (as all of his calls are I’m certain). After running into me — me, you was standing in one place unmoving and minding my own business –he looked at me as though I was an obstructing baby stroller or other inanimate object of inconvenience then, without breaking strike for more than a second, redirected himself and walked outside pacing. I haven’t even mentioned yet that he was in his mid-late fifties, unfit and wearing a short sleeve button down shirt with some kind of botanical pattern (a la a hawaiian shirt) on a Monday morning at 830am… yes I’m certain you are rushing off to the office after this in your tropical shirt and your hemp flip flops. I, too, returned to my previous activity of standing and waiting. I noticed, of course, that it had happened but the occurrence didn’t really strike me as odd or upsetting. It was my unaffected reaction that prompted my annoyance.
If I am not surprised in the slightest when something like this happens then I’m certain I am not alone. I believe there is an expectation in L.A. by those that live here that most people in this warm and “friendly” city care only about themselves and are more concerned with how they are perceived by others (“must appear important, powerful, attractive, wealthy, blah blah blah”) than with enjoying their day to day life. By extension, when someone flips you off because you made a turn when you had the right of way or when someone glares at you like you owe them your first born because you have politely nudged them to slide over the painfully inconvenient half an inch because they are blocking the only open walkway in a store or restaurant, you probably have a little giggle or understated roll of the eyes or both (if you are anything like me) and then move on with your day. Why? Because this shit happens everyday and you expect it to happen. Oftentimes, it occurs multiple times in a single day.
There is a reason why the saying exists, “It takes more energy to be negative than to be positive.” So why is it that many of the people in this city insist on pretending to be positive when they are really just mad and aggravated? Why do these people care so damn much about how they are perceived? These are rhetorical questions of course (though I would like to know about anyone else’s position on this).
The majority of the examples I could come up with as I tap away in this moment include self-important a-holes clogging the streets in and surrounding the sunset strip where the majority of “the business” is located (Of course I am referring to show business, the entertainment business, “the biz”). However, this attitude is not exclusive to that geographic area or the stereotypical demographic with which it is congested. I cannot even say how many other countless times I have been cut off, run into, obstructed, interrupted, bulldozed, scowled at (you get the idea…) by someone and then experienced a follow up attitude from that person suggesting that I should have been quicker to get out of their way or just generally not exist to make their daily dealings less trying. I would take this personally but it’s not. I have many friends who have the same experience and it is happening all day, everyday and in every area of the city.
I know this exists other places but, based in experience from living in 3 major US cities, Los Angeles breeds this attitude more than any other (on a digressing note, I do fear that the attitude may be spreading due to social media and reality TV…just saying). In a city where you “only get one shot” and “only the strong survive”, you would think you might find a bit more character. Instead of character, we have characters. Even those who are not actors are playing a role every day. Why is it that being yourself is such a scary notion these days?
I will continue to use Coffee Bean as my prototype. I have not discussed my impression of this specific location at length with many but I have always personally considered the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Sunset and Fairfax to be one of the most “sceney” (factoid: sceney is not even in urbandictionary.com … this is a major oversight).
For those who are not familiar with the term, “sceney” is another way of saying “douschebag-invested” or “filled from floor to ceiling with wannabes”
As someone who generally likes to avoid the more “sceney” places in the city, I have not been a frequent customer at this particular Coffee Bean. This morning, however, it was already in to 90s at 815am. I am not pursuing a hot coffee in 90 degree weather and the iced coffee at 7-11 (though cheap) is f**king gross. I do not like Starbucks across-the-board and if I am going to spend more than $2 on my coffee I want it to be delicious. I recently moved into a new neighborhood making said Coffee Bean by local one. Therefore, for reasons of proximity and slight morning-coffee-OCD, I have been going to (only when warranted by weather which requires iced caffeine) arguably the most pretentious and tool-infused coffee shop in the city. I can’t and don’t judge everyone that goes there. That being said, the only way that I could be washed over by more examples in less time of the LA “characters with no character” attitude to which I have been referring would be if I were to stand still at a mid-point on Runyon Canyon where I could absorb the many snippets of “complex” discussions that would “hike” past in carefully selected workout attire OR if I were to seek re-employment as a front desk “greeter” at Equinox West Hollywood (a job which I, in fact, held for over a year) where the absolute worst of the worst are concentrated into one building from sun-up to sun-down.
Please do not misunderstand me. Though my rants may sometimes suggest otherwise, I actually love my life in Los Angeles and I love far more qualities of this city and its surrounding areas than I dislike. In addition, once you are able to weed out the BS, there are many people living in this city who can have a sense of humor about all the pretentiousness and stereotype that it breeds. These people become your friends. For me, it has been in finding these people that I have found home here. I am glad that a visit to the Coffee Bean and Tool Tree cannot sway my day anymore. Short-sleeve Hawaiian shirt guy can choose his anger but I am glad that I naturally and instinctively move on without even absorbing his ignorance. If anything, I thank him because he inspired me today. He inspired me to write and to recognize that I can choose my own attitude everyday. I can choose to not wear a Hawaiian shirt and to be aware of those around me and treat people with respect. I don’t claim to be perfect — in fact I openly claim to be deeply flawed — but I try to be real everyday. In LA, real and genuine people have a high value and having character makes you much more unique than being one.
TBC on being mad…
When I sat down to start writing this entry, the idea was inspired by self-important (or rather self-aware) mid-fifties Hawaiian shirt man and I was going to get into how everyone in this city is a little mad. When I say mad I mean everyone in this city is either a.) harboring or living in anger or b.) a little crazy OR BOTH. I still think that’s true. I actually have a lot to say on this topic because I had two very potent events occur this week which made me question my own level of crazy.
I will consider that my TO BE CONTINUED…
Imagine if you…
Imagine your possibilities…
Yes, you guessed it. I thought the Oscars were a snooze fest. Did I watch them in their entirety anyway? Yes, I did. Do I think this every year and continue to watch them in their entirety despite how boring they continue to be year after year? Guilty.
Every year, I look forward to the Oscars above all other award shows. I give them the benefit of the doubt year after year because the award ceremony and the awards themselves represent something to me. They mean something to me and I look up to the talent who are honored with nominations. Ever since I can remember, I have made an event for myself out of Oscar night. I watched the entire 3 hour red carpet coverage and the ceremony start to finish every single year. I remember staying up hours past my parents just to see who won best picture. It was a big deal to me.
I still care about who wins the awards and I still look forward to watching them because they (along with many other award shows) celebrate my personal interests and they bring additional affirmation to me in what I am choosing to pursue in my life. So this particular frustration comes not from a place of anger towards the awards.
So why is it that the show is the most boring of all the award shows year after year? I mean it is seriously a muscle relaxer. I felt like I had taken 2 ambien like 20 minutes into the telecast…and I DVRed it and was not even having to sit through commercials! I can honestly say that I thought Seth MacFarlane was a stellar host and I saw most of the nominated films and really enjoyed many of them as well as the performances. And even with that being true, I still felt that the Oscars were undoubtedly the most boring of all the award shows that I saw this season; a trend I have been noticing for at least 4 or 5 years. What is it about the Oscars that makes it so damn stiff (and not in the good way)? Even bringing in a comedian who can lighten the mood and deliver timely and still mostly tasteful jokes managed to get crickets at certain moments. The people who make up the larger presence in Hollywood right now are all extremely likable, talented and humble people it seems. There are efforts being made by the producers of the telecast to make the show more fun to watch (or so I’ve read). So again I ask, why can’t the Oscars figure out how to be cool all the way through?
Currently, this is what I have come up with — it’s like the room is split between two types: the people who brought their senses of humor and who are there with a fun/light-hearted attitude all the while realizing how lucky they are to be a part of such an awesome tradition and the other half of the people forgot to have the colonic tube removed from their ass before they got in the limo. The latter are the ones who are creating this stiff and overly conscious (or PC) energy. They are the ones who won’t laugh when a joke has any content that might offend someone somewhere dead or alive.
Here is a message to those people who are privileged enough to be a part of the community of talent that attends and gets nominated at the Academy Awards: please ask your colonic technician to empty all the shit out and remove the tube before discharging you? It’s not just the tube up your ass but it’s also the leftover shit that seem to be making you so stuffy and uptight that you can’t recognize how cool it is that you are at the Oscars and there are millions of people watching and celebrating your work and/or the work of your friends and peers. Your half cleaned colon is effecting the rest of the room and America for that matter.
Now, I am not blaming it entirely on them and I am not saying that the entire show was stiff and boring. I thought that the first 5 minutes or so, small splashed through the middle and the last half hour were filled great moments and held my attention in a real way. Thank you Jack Nicholson, Michelle Obama, Jennifer Lawrence, Ben Affleck and Meryl Streep for being light and comfortable and keeping us engaged. Thank you Seth MacFarlane for actually being funny and for not being Anne Hathaway and James Franco. It is fun to watch people who are enthusiastic, grateful, comfortable in their own skin and even a little bit giddy.
I appreciate tradition and I will continue to get excited about the Oscars every year. I will continue to watch the awards and listen intently to every actor/director/writer’s acceptance speech. I will continue to give this awards show the benefit of the doubt. Because, at the end of the day, I totally drink the kool aid. But every time someone trips on the stairs or says something a little embarrassing in the heat of their excitement or nervousness it makes the show better. Those are the moments that I remember and connect with and which warm me because those are human moments. I hope to see a lot more tripping and taboo in years to come. And, hopefully, less people will get a pre-show colonic next year.
As an aside, I adore Jennifer Lawrence even more so after seeing this: Jennifer Lawrence’s hilarious post-win press conference
I realized yesterday that this week marked five years since I arrived in Los Angeles. That fact alone was not as daunting as was the attempt to draw a line between who I was when I got here and who I am now. Not to suggest that I wouldn’t even recognize myself; but there is certainly no way for me connect with where I was at that time anymore.
Life happens whether we want it to or not. There was a three month period when I first arrived in L.A. where I was not allowing myself to really dive into the extraordinary experience on which I was embarking: being in a terrifying and completely uncomfortable environment. An experience like that is a gift. The reality is that life happened and I got sucked into it. I could not sit back and be afraid forever. Now, I look back at five years gone by and then I look at myself today and I am happy to report that, though I didn’t plan any part of the journey that I have gone on, I am grateful for all of it.
I moved to Los Angeles from New York City in January 2008. I was going to come out here and shift my acting career into the fast lane. I was leaving behind a city that I loved, friends who had become my family, my actual family (who is in Pennsylvania), and a relationship that was still finding it’s identity. A recent theory that I have come to think on a lot lately, and which applies to people in almost every scenario, is that no person can predict how they will be effected by or react to a situation until they are staring it in the face. To make a parallel line to the acting world; a reaction cannot be both planned and authentic. If something truly elicits an organic response in you, then there is no way to orchestrate how that will go without compromising truth.
I don’t know about others, but I am not interested in trading in the real moments in my life (past, present and future) so that I can react the way I decide I’d like to react. I believe that over the past five years, a lot of things have happened to me based on decisions that I have made that I never would have planned on making. My life may not be now where I imagined it would be five years after I arrived in L.A., but I am thankful for the past five years. How cool is it to have had so many experiences, relationships, joys, challenges and heartaches? I have made decisions that have lead to all these happenings in my life but I never could have or would have predicted or planned any of the choices that I have made.
When I arrived in Los Angeles, I thought I had a lot of answers and I really had no idea what was ahead of me. Writing this now, I still don’t know what is ahead me in the five years to come. I could pretend as though I have learned enough in these past five years to know which way I will sway in every argument and which road I will choose in the face of many uncertainties, but the only thing that I know is that I change everyday. I can only do what is true for me each day and each moment and, from where I sit now, I trust that. I like knowing that I am smarter now and different now and that I have grown. It has been a good five years.
Anyone who knows me knows that I watch THE BACHELOR (and THE BACHELORETTE). Unfortunately, I am not ashamed of this at all. I get most of my enjoyment out of restating the comments of both the contestants and the “object of affection” while I’m watching. It pains me to say that my game is much more fun on THE BACHELOR than on THE BACHELORETTE, but it continues to be true time and time again. This show is giving my sex a very bad rap (as though it isn’t bad enough). Whoever casts this show either does a great job or has the easiest job on the planet. In this moment, I truly believe it is the latter. If I had written about this 4 or 5 years ago, I may not have said that. The ugly truth is that it really is not hard to find women who act and behave like the women on this show.
The new season just startedand tonight I am watching the second episode. The girls this season are SO BAD that it inspired me to start venting immediately. I have to say, if you are not watching, do yourself a favor. This season is hilarious. Usually there is the token bitchy girl and maybe a couple others who compete with her. This season, there are at least two clinically psychotic women, 3 bitchy “mean girls”, and the rest of the girls are displaying enough naivete and desperation to give the entire female race a bad name. I can’t believe that not one girl has displayed any confident or head-strong behavior so far. Perhaps it is my own fault for expecting an over-exposed, successful, network reality show to attract any women who possess self-confidence or tact.
That being said, the commentary alone is providing me with enough comic relief to go on watching. Am I justifying my viewership? Yes I am. I am not going to start going into a long conversation about why there are so many women out there who need a man to validate their lives. Despite the fact that this has been a recent point of contention for me as of late on a very personal level, I am not prepared to make comparisons between any of my friends and the “eligible bachelorettes” featured on this show.
In a general sense, I have always believed that reality TV is an interesting study on the human psyche. I can’t imagine that most people who have appeared on reality shows can look back and say there were proud of everything they did and everything they said. On the same token, I know many people who have been on reality shows and not one of them has displayed any regret. Maybe there is just a large enough percentage of the population who cares more about being on television (for any reason at all) than about their own integrity to cast most of the reality shows in existence. I have not crunched the numbers but, if that is the case, it does not say much about us as a race (not man or woman specific).
Back to the present moment: The quote that I just heard on the show was “For a 1st date, i already feel like he is my boyfriend.” That is the least pathetic and/or nasty statement that has been made by any of the girls in the entire episode and I am an hour and 30 minutes along. I will say that this season’s Bachelor is the first non-deuschbag (seemingly) since I have started watching the show (about 4 years ago). This doesn’t bode well for men in my opinion but I may be the sole person that feels this way. Somehow, enough women apply for this show every season that ABC is beating them away with sticks while still managing cast a group of 25 women who create the right blend of desperation, bitchiness, insecurity, mental instability, and camera-obsession.
If you are not watching this show, then you are either missing out on a great opportunity to laugh or you are avoiding looking in the mirror. If you are the former, you are probably thinking that you do not have 2 hours a week to waste on this. Worry not! While watching this show, I managed to write this entire blog, edit another writing project, laugh a lot, walk my dog, and make my to do list for tomorrow morning. I am not defending the show. There is little to defend. However, I will not apologize for adding to its viewership. It feeds my creative brain and keeps me from forgetting that being a skeptic is a strength and not a weakness.
I am sitting with one of my roommates right now trying to trick Netflix into showing us movies that we actually want to watch. Our Netflix (which we don’t even pay for) does not allow us to search. It lists movies and TV shows by genre and/or it suggests movies based on something that you have recently watched. So now I am sitting here watching a god-awful comedy about ice hockey. Ultimately, all we are looking to do is prove that we can be smarter than a machine by getting Netflix to provide us access to the good stuff (i.e. WARRIOR and LINCOLN LAWYER). If this works, I’m sure we will also be granted access to our fair share of some serious crap as well (i.e. ABDUCTION starring Taylor Lautner, NO STRINGS ATTACHED and MORNING GLORY). It’s nice to have options I suppose.
I am now an hour into this effort and still no closer to seeing anything I actually want to watch. The machine wins today. Now I am watching a documentary about MMA fighting. It could be worse.